Alternate Plots for 'Love Never Dies' (sometimes it does)

As you may already know, Andrew Lloyd Webber has finally given the world the gift they never asked for or wanted: a sequel to Phantom of the Opera. (If you didn't know, take a moment to let that sink in.)


As I understand it, this is the basic plot of the resulting musical, Love Never Dies (SPOILERS AHEAD - no joke):

It is "10 years" after the events of Phantom (even though Phantom was set in 1881 and Love is set in 1907, but whatever). Christine and Raoul return to America to catch up with the Phantom, see how things are going and whatnot. It seems that in the past ~10 years, the Phantom has become more of a lovable eccentric and less of a horror-inducing monster/organist. Oh yeah, and Christine has a son now, Gustave. Christine is torn, trying to decide between Raoul and Phantom (sound familiar?).

Meanwhile, Meg Giry is jealous of all the attention Christine gets. Meg is in love with the Phantom or something, as any girl would be. Christine sends Raoul away so she can be with the Phantom because - love never dies. Plus, the Phantom is Gustave's real father.

Long story short, Meg shoots Christine. The fatal wound is evidently not in her lungs, as she sings for another 12-15 minutes. Just like her love, it seems Christine will never die. But die she does. The end.

So, off the top of my head, here are 4 better plots for this musical:

1. Christine and Raoul return to America. Meg is waiting for them and shoots Christine on sight. Raoul hooks up with the Phantom (because man love never dies). Meg, still on the run from the law, tries to shoot Raoul. She misses and hits the Phantom in the normal side of his face, killing him instantly. She turns the gun on herself and fires. She misses and hits Raoul in the back. As he slowly bleeds to death, Meg finally gets it right and puts a bullet in her brain. Gustave is sent to an orphanage. The scary kind.

2. The Phantom has spent 10-26 years sleeping with Meg. He's only doing it to get back at Christine for rejecting him. Also, because he hates himself. Christine leaves her abusive husband, Raoul. She returns to declare her never-dying love for the Phantom. When she arrives she finds the Phantom in bed with Meg. Fortunately, Christine brought her revolver. Unfortunately, Meg "Quick-Draw" Giry pulls her sidearm first and shoots Christine between the eyes. The Phantom then strangles Meg.

3. Christine sends Raoul away so she can be with the Phantom. The Phantom is still bitter about losing to Raoul at the end of that other musical, so he rejects and humiliates Christine. At the prom. Christine goes crawling back to Raoul ("Love never dies," she tells him). Raoul refuses to take her back. Meg mows Christine down with an automatic assault rifle.

4. Meg shoots Christine. She comes back as a zombie, because love NEVER dies. In the ensuing zombie outbreak, Raoul and the Phantom are killed. Gustave and Meg lead a band of opera singers in taking out the zombie threat, except for one. Zombie Christine hides in the catacombs of the old opera house becoming the new Phantom of the Opera and opening the door for another sequel.